Underperformance, Conflict and Pay: Navigating Sensitive Issues As a New Manager

I became a coach after 20+ years as a CPA, marketer, agency founder and functional leader, and I bring all of that lived experience into everything we do at Reframed Coaching. This is especially true when it comes to helping new managers navigate the tough conversations that catch almost everyone off guard.

According to Gallup, only 14.5 percent of managers strongly agree that they're good at giving feedback, which explains why so many of us feel unprepared for difficult conversations. The good news is that tough conversations don't have to feel stressful! In fact, these sticky situations can become some of your strongest leadership moments.

How you can navigate sensitive issues at work as a new manager

Tough conversations get easier when you stop treating them like one-off crises and start treating them like actual skills you can build.

1. Start with the story you're telling yourself

Before any sensitive conversation, check your internal narrative. New managers often assume, "They'll get defensive," or, "I'm going to mess this up," or "I'm going to hurt their feelings." Like any anxiety-inducing situation, half of the stress comes from the story in your head, not the situation itself!

This is where CliftonStrengths can help. If you lead with Empathy, notice how you may over-index on how the other person feels. If you lead with Analytical, you might overthink the details — but that also means you'll go into the conversation with all the facts. Leaning into your strengths while remaining aware of your blind spots will make it easier to stay grounded.

2. Prep a neutral-toned and clear strengths-based script

When stakes feel high, structure is your friend. When talking about something as sensitive as pay or performance, use SBIR:

• Situation: When the situation happened
• Behavior: What happened / The specific action
• Impact: Why it matters
• Request: What you need going forward

Anchoring your conversation in this framework and using Strengths language will help you soften defensiveness. For example: "Your Achiever strength is such an asset to this team. During yesterday's team meeting, I noticed you said yes to all the requests from our Product team without consulting the rest of us first. This impacted everybody's workload as we were already at full capacity. Going forward, can you check in with the rest of the team before saying yes to ad-hoc requests from other departments?"

3. Ask the one question that changes everything

"What do you need right now to be successful?"

This question is great at opening the door to honesty. Whenever I've asked this question, I've seen individuals shift instantly from being on guard to being collaborative. It makes people feel invited into the solution, rather than judged for the problem. It also helps you uncover the real barriers blocking progress — whether it's unclear expectations, workload, confidence, or skills.

4. Keep the conversation small, human and forward-looking

You don't need a perfect speech. You need a calm, specific, and genuinely curious conversation.

• For underperformance: Stay behavioral, not personal.
• For conflict: Focus on what happened, not who's "right."

Based on peoples' Strengths profiles, they'll respond differently to tension. Someone high in Relator may want to talk it through with you. Someone else who is high in Deliberative may need space to reflect before responding. Adjusting your approach based on what you know about your team's strengths will build trust fast.

Sensitive conversations are the part of management you'll learn first

Every manager I've ever coached, no matter their background or strengths profile, has felt unsure in moments of hard conversation. That's normal. What actually matters is how you choose to show up for your team.

As Gallup reports, 80 percent of employees who say they have received meaningful feedback in the past week are fully engaged at work. And according to Gallup, "15- to 30-minute conversations have a greater impact than 30- to 60-minute conversations if they occur regularly."

So take a breath. Keep it human. Stay specific. Lead with your strengths. And remember: You don't need the perfect script to be an effective manager — you just need the willingness to listen and keep moving the team forward.